Keto Cakes That Are As Depressing As Turning 30

You’ve hit the big 3-0 and it’s time to celebrate! As incredible as this is, you’re probably sad that you’re done with your twenties and are creeping ever closer to the grave. You’re also probably trying the trendy keto diet which is a perfect excuse to make a cake that tastes as sad as you feel. 

Low-Carb Chocolate Log


Now that you’re 30 you probably feel like shit so its only fitting you have a cake that looks like it too. Head on over to Whole Foods and pick up all your ingredients like cocoa powder and stevia. Be sure to leave time to sit in the parking lot and dwell on how depressing life is now.

Keto Pound Cake


The youthful joy of your twenties is over and regular pound cake doesn’t offer much joy either. So it seems fitting to take the rest of it out by making it low carb. Mix all the ingredients together and throw this bad boy in the oven. Bake it and watch it turn into what will look like a coffin that symbolizes your slow march to death. Make a cream cheese frosting so you can write Happy Birthday on top to mask the dryness of the cake or just skip it as your tears will do the job.

Tuna Cakes


This isn’t technically a cake, but just like turning 30 your options are getting limited. Pop open a can of StarKist and give this bad boy a whirl. When done, throw in a candle and tearfully sing happy birthday to yourself as you think about all the birthday celebrations you can’t do because you’re too old. 

But above all, remember to have a Happy Birthday!