Paul Ryan Looking Forward To Enjoying Koch Industries Retirement Benefits

Following his announcement of not seeking re-election this fall, Paul Ryan expressed his excitement in being able to enjoy all the benefits of the Koch Industries retirement plan. “It’s good to know that after years of screwing poor and marginalized people that I get to retire with full dental coverage”. Though Ryan had many retirement offers from multiple corporate donors like the NRA, healthcare, and banking companies, he concluded that the Koch option was the best for him. “They really offer some of the best benefits that many of my now retired colleagues are enjoying”. Koch will be having a retirement party for Ryan on his last day with cake and coffee in the break room.

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