How To Look Wholesome For Easter Even Though You Had 6 Dicks In Your Mouth The Night Before
The Easter holiday is upon us signaling the beginning of spring as well as the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. It’s time to head home and see your family, but last night you had 6 dicks in your mouth at a circuit party and you need to look wholesome for your parents. Here are some tips to look as wholesome as Candace Cameron Bure in a Hallmark channel movie:
Put On That Cross Mom Gave You For Christmas
It is the day the lord has risen and there is no better time to wear the symbol of Jesus Christ. Especially now that you are headed home on the Long Island Rail Road hungover AF praying for death. The cross is a simple way to let your family know that you keep christ with you at all times. They’ll think you were on your knees last night saying your prayers and not anticipating 6 different loads on loads on your face.
Wear A Sensible Outfit
There is no better way to showcase to the family how wholesome you are than wearing a nice sensible outfit. Play it cool and dress up like the Queer Eye Fab 5 just took you on a shopping spree at Target. You’ll get Aunt Janet to pinch your cheeks and say, “You look so handsome!” instead of “Were you Eiffel towered at a basement circuit party in Times Square last night?”.
Show Off Your Instagram Pictures From Numerous Rallies and Protests
Nothing screams wholesomeness like political activism. Take some time to show off all the pictures you took at numerous rallies over the year. As you scroll through, no one will know that a tap away in your story are pics and videos of you and your crew in harnesses at M.E.A.T. sucking dicks in the back room on a day set aside for the lord. Just keep talking up your activism and they’ll never know 😉
Talk To Grandma About Your Keto Diet
A healthy lifestyle is a great way to cement how wholesome you are. While Grandma is serving you a plate of all the food she slaved over, you can decline it and talk about how you’re doing the keto diet. Let her know how you really care about what you put into body even though you popped several drugs last night and received many strange dicks in all your holes. She’ll be confused, but impressed at how much you care about your health and not thinking “my fairy grandson is a real hussey”.
Above all, just play it cool and you’ll be fine you big ole slut!