Opinion | My Pussy is Burning Worse Than LA Right Now

Right now there is a wild fire ravaging the county of Los Angeles and it’s one of the worst in history. But there is another fire burning far fiercer than that. No, it’s not scandal in the White House, or another sexual harassment accuser coming forward. It’s a fire in my pussy. Ever since I used that off-brand douche my skin coin purse has been a volcanic wasteland. Some might say “Hundreds of acres of land, homes, and lives have been destroyed. How can you even compare it to your pussy?” I know the fires are raging and while it is pretty bad it’s not as bad as the one going on in my pussy. Thousands of people have been evacuated and fire crews are working around the clock to keep it contained, but every time I pee it’s like a jet stream of lava. It’s a real scorcher down there right now. I have done everything that I can think of, including a Vagisil bath and nothing. While my thoughts are with the people of LA right now and I wish them a speedy recovery, I also wish the same for my pussy.

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