Albany, NY – In a state that is slowly recovering from the coronavirus pandemic, Governor Andrew Cuomo held an emergency press briefing in regards to the shocking news of Taylor Swift’s new album. “Today’s announcement was something we were not expecting and you have my word that my administration will do everything to help people get through this challenging time”

As the world grapples with the novel coronavirus, signs of recovery are appearing. Local gays announce their holes are entering Phase 4 of reopening as of today. This allows them to operate at 50% capacity up from 25% in Phase 3. Strict benchmarks have been put in place for reopening after 3 months of being closed to the public due

In a new effort to spice up the tampon market, Tampax introduced a new line of Asian Fusion inspired tampons. “Using a plain tampon with a traditional plastic applicator gets boring after a while” said Tampax spokesperson Sharon Spokes in a virtual press event. “This new line of tampons offers women the variety they are looking for with the quality

North Pole – Santa’s Workshop announced today that it will be laying off 14,000 Elves as part of a massive restructuring effort. The Elves affected account for almost a quarter of Santa’s workforce. The layoffs come as Santa plans to close several workshops that have been labeled as “outdated”. “Kids aren’t as excited about dolls and wooden trains anymore. It’s

Brooklyn, NY: Today Apple released several new devices geared toward reading terrible news on the internet. “These are the best devices we have ever made” announced Tim Cook on stage after 40 minutes of bragging about how well the company is doing. These devices are thinner, lighter, and load all the terrible current events of the day 50% faster than